Derailed

Trying to figure out those past 2 years, and all I can summarise it into one word, it would be Derailed.

Have fairly lost my way in the career, doubt of being a loser for the family is now confirmed and lately been passing these lonely weekend driving around the city.

I hope th future holds some good for me, for I have not given up. Would not say that suicide has stopped crossing my mind, but yes, I am still here, barely alive though.

Sometimes I feel I have this victimized mentality where I wanna potray myself as a someone to have piyu on. Should ponder and get away from that.

Financially, I should focus more on everything. Paying the debts back to the wife, before she concretes upon separation. Would chip around from some savings, and might start free lancing again soon.

Then I should finish off with this FRM thingy, it is now dragging on for no reason. Shouldn't have given a break to learn data and all. Consistency is not maintained. Should work on that too. Syllabus comes on December 1. Would build after it comes.

I know my kids are being taken away from me slowly. I hope I can build something for them to start life in whatever way they wish to. 

I hope get this bulky train back on its track. 

Hi Mum!

We lost pa last year and things haven't been the same.

I know I took the greed of promotion and got myself into the game of 99.

I am trying to bring you back the happiness you deserve, but I am totally lost and I don't know how have I ended up here.

Yes, I am a father now and yet I am very scared. I don't know how paa did it.

But I am trying ma, even though I cry when I sleep, I feel used, in the wrong place, with the wrong people, I am trying ma.

Alert!

This is the first time that I had suicidal thoughts. More than a fortnight that I lost you dad, I am still numb.
Yes, I am strong and smart and confident in front of the family.
I feel like I haven't slept in ages.
The LED clock is nothing more than a nightmare to me. I have no idea of what I am doing, where I am going.

Where Am I Going?

It's been more than six years that I put up a post on this blog, and there is no reason for this long absence.

When I look back, I see failures, breakups, employment struggles, struggle for money (which is never ending I guess).

I remember Steve Jobs and his "Connecting the dots" speech. In these turbulent times, I wished I could have maintained that connecting the dots philosophy by regularly updating the times on this blog. I didn't and right now, when I am clueless, I am suffering.

Friends Forever....adhhooore hummm...... :)

He: See,if you'd been even a second late naa, I would have gone alone for the movie.

She: As if...! I have the tickets remember, wiseguy??

Both start walking towards the theatre, he knows she'll chuckle the ticket song all the day,so....

He: Oh yeahh!!! You toh have everything. Next time, if I go low on cash , I'll swipe my card on head to get cash,  you ATM!!!!!

She: You know,  your P.J's can be fatal to your health.

They buy popcorn.

He: You know I feel like the popcorn are like you.They pop like the soda and are as corny as you !!!! Plus tum mein aur popcorn mein aur similarity hai, thoda sa bhi jalao toh dono muh fula lete hain !!! 

She: We've entered the theatre now,I know its a bit difficult for you but you have to spend major time here being "normal".

He: Yeah yeahh!!! I won't fly in the theatre, fine??

She: Gawd, I swear this is my last movie with you.

He: I love you, God.

Movie starts.

He looks at her...she does the same....................and the movie ends.......

Later,

He: So, fine you got the tickets, I'll buy you dinner to repay you.

She:You should, you know (smiles) you should.

He: Lois..I've something for the blog.

She: Finally....

He: I'm busy,you know!!!!

She: As if...

And the cycle never ends.

I AM BACK!!!!!!!

GUYS......n GALS!!!

this 31st ..I resolve to return up to the blogging world....i made a blog this year..a b'day blog..it was very appreciable..n i thot.this is the time..so..lets hit it!!!!Happy New Year everybody!!!!!

Just can't name it....

Hey,

What is the problem with you yaar?? I mean like every time you give a shock to me…n this is the third consecutive time…n the last...I know…You may not know me and won’t ever come to know about me but for all others reading this…I am one of those people who used to criticize every performance of Mr. VOI, though we loved to hear his soulful and innocence enhanced works. I was not a regular audience of any of that kind of shows which had people like you on the floor…though in fact such people like you are really rare…but coincidentally I often used to come across you on the idiot box of mine…and then it came..the big news..you winning up the title that too from the most beautiful singer of the world…I still remember the next morning when I was reading the newspaper with my eyes half open…as soon as read your news they went to be wide open…and it was the First Shock . I was enjoying’ it..unlike the other two which came later …

I didn’t wanted you to go off screen as your voice was a sure stress reliever, specially during the tense days of school when tired from tuitions and house captain duties I seriously needed a break and GOD listened to me , you were back and this time a better way…though in a difficult competition but I love difficult things…chalo, everything was going fine..boards went fine..results came up …I got 85% in PCB and 73% in PCM….yeah I had a great subject combination….and then you striked up…another shock…knocked out in that show..but it was a tough one and I knew that it hardlt mattered as the talent was seen by everybody and you didn’t needed anymore competition or shows …..and that’s how I gulped the second shock….

But you just couldn’t rest from giving shocks…you came with another…the worst one…you fool…who told you to go to the deeper side of the pool when you didn’t knew swim…look at me …I don’t know how to swim and never went to the deeper side even during the classes too…but you…tell me is shock givin’ your hobby or like that?? And look now what has happened …you left us all alone..your fans , family , gorgeous Mandira, and all of your fellow singers….I just couldn’t believe today’s newspaper when I read that news…it just simply can’t happen , well not so soon at least….TV channels are showing your clips like hell and I am watching them like a statue..people are saying that singer has died but for me not just-a-singer is lost ,I’ve lost an inspiration …a feeling that made me to feel that I could anything , a youth power , I have lost….a lot……and this is going to take time….a lot of time….come on , give another shock..get back again….weren’t these Banglore and Ahmadabad blasts enough that you gave another …..terrible shock….

P.S: To all those who are reading this post…it’s a letter to Ishmeet Singh,the VOI-2007,who drowned in a swimming pool in Maldives .